I just purchased a shirt from a really nice store. i feel good about this shirt because it is a nice shirt and i know i will wear it. i was able to attain this shirt for $80, which may seem like a lot of money to some of you, but I'm filthy rich and i could afford it. i would have purchased a more expensive shirt, but there was none. i bought the most expensive shirt. now that i have this shirt the most expensive shirt that they have is less expensive than this shirt. its simple logic folks. oops im poor now.
When a woman announces that she needs to go to the bathroom she has a very specific window of time in mind: now. See:
Tina: "Oh man, I gotta pee"
Translation: "I need to physically have my ass on a toilet in no fewer than 30 seconds"
It's almost as if her bladder was wired into a pressure release value and as soon as enough urine was stored up in her small intestine she snaps into what I like to call "Toilet Tracking Mode." When you're in the car, this means pulling into the nearest KFC. If you're playing Monopoly, this means an extra $500 from the bank while she relieves herself. And if you're in the space shuttle, well, they use diapers. Men on the other hand, operate in an entirely different manner. Let me illustrate:
Bill: Oh man, I gotta pee.
Translation: "I just remembered that I was going to pee when I was in the kitchen yesterday but I didn't because there were Doritos and I love Doritos."
Now, I don't judge. You can't judge. It's impossible to judge.
Today's song is a little tune by a band named Shearwater. If you're looking for something you can ignore (a la John Cusack in High Fidelity) this have a listen. If you want something to rock out to, listen anyway and then slam on some Rihanna or The Chain by Fleetwood Mac.
HINT: right click and "save as target" on a PC and option click on a mac.
Also, please comment on this post and let me know how you like Shearwater. Of course, you can also say anything else you like. Select anonymous if you don't have an account and you can post immediately. yay for the internet!
2 comments:
If we had a broadband connection here in Vermont, I would listen to the music and then I might undertand the relationship between peeing and the most expensive shirt. I'm thinking the shirt is a metaphor for the social fabric of the third world whereby some classes have more financial resources than others even though classes that are able to purchase more material goods are actually less wealthy in terms of their ability to pee when they get around to it.
Right?
OKay. I have to pee with the mindset of a boy. I ALWAYS forget to pee. I'll be all "dude, I have to pee" and then someone will say something interesting, and then 3 hours later, I still haven't peed. I wonder what this says about my psychological stability...
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